Not Afraid of Life Page 23
After I returned to Alaska from our trip to Haiti, I spent a lot of time reflecting on that experience, thinking about its implications for my life.
Some people may question why I’d be willing to be so honest and candid in this book about my teenage mistakes and problems. (Including my parents, who’d probably rather know fewer of these details!) In that stupid Us Weekly article about our engagement, part of my public defense of Levi to my mom and dad included this sentence:
If a mistake is made the honorable thing to do is to own up to it.
Of course, I was talking about Levi owning up to his mistakes. But as I finish this book, I realize it applies equally to myself, and to all of us as we try but fail to live up to standards we know are right. Our inability and unwillingness to keep the standards don’t make the standards any less valuable and good.
Throughout my life, I’ve learned that sexual standards are vitally important for a person’s sense of well-being. The connection between sexual restraint and emotional stability for girls and women is especially important—I noticed that most acutely when I was at home with the baby while Levi was living his normal life uninterrupted. That’s why it’s important to wait until marriage to have sex, which guarantees that babies will be born into actual families instead of the patched-up kinds that we try to make work between custody and shared holidays. (Or, in my case, all alone.) The happiest people are those who live as closely as possible to the biblical standards God laid out for us . . . even if you’ve already violated your own sexual principles.
One of the reasons I shared this story is to convey a simple truth to the teens who are out there reading this book. (Or maybe even some adults!) If you have made a sexual mistake, you don’t have to fully give in to that sin. You can always choose to live by biblical standards, which means—among other things—not having sex if you’re not married and not having affairs if you are.
I’ve not always “walked the walk” when it comes to standards. That’s the thing that struck me in Haiti. The amazing volunteers we met there definitely talked the talk and walked the walk. They worked tirelessly for hours, sacrificing their own health to save those who were suffering. Seeing these dedicated volunteers made me recommit to living for God and serving others. I also found myself wishing, like so many people, that I had even more of a clarified true calling . . . something I was so passionate about I’d sacrifice everything. Maybe that will come soon. Maybe it will be somehow related to poverty in other countries, or to orphans who need homes. Maybe I’ll go into politics, maybe I’ll write children’s books, maybe work at Dr. Cusack’s office, or maybe I’ll help my mom become the first woman president!
While I don’t know what the future holds, I do know I’ve made a decision not to have sex again until I’m married. (I’ve had one partner in my entire life, and that’s one partner too many for an unmarried twenty-year-old.) That decision will help me try to live out my dreams and find my way in this world without being burdened by the bad decisions that previously haunted me.
Let’s face it. Making mistakes and dealing with them, suffering pain and longing for a better day . . . that’s just all a part of life. While I was finishing up this book, I got some terrible news about Hunter Wolfe—the first boy to send me flowers, the guy who’d leave me notes on my windshield during basketball practice, and who enjoyed gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches at the Governor’s Mansion.
He had committed suicide.
Mom told me the first time someone close to you dies is the hardest, that, unfortunately, in an odd way, I’d stop reeling from shock as I age and get more used to the tragedies of life. While I know that’s true, I just felt so devastated that a kid with such kindness and potential would end his life in such a hopeless condition.
That’s one of the reasons I decided to be honest and candid in this book. Everyone wrestles with the indignities, pain, and disappointments of life. While my bad decisions were discussed on late-night talk shows, news programs, and magazines across America . . . it doesn’t mean they’re any different from anyone else’s problems. If everyone had their “backstories” made by the producers of Dancing with the Stars, every single one would include dealing with life’s challenges.
Again, I’m not a role model, a dancer, or a preacher. I’m just a normal girl who couldn’t hide her problems and learned a few lessons along the way. Namely, that not being afraid of life’s imperfection and complexity is the first step toward truly living it. Oh, and it helps to reach out to the only one who truly offers hope in this world.
No, not President Obama.
Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
If you try to follow God’s guidance for your life, he’ll help you navigate around some of the big obstacles. But be warned, there’s no telling where you might end up! He has a way of surprising you, or pushing you further than you think you can go.
Who knows? You might even end up in a gorilla suit of your own.
Acknowledgments
Tripp Easton—you are the light of my life, thank you for being such a good boy.
Mom and Dad, thank you for tough love.
Track, thank you for keeping me grounded.
Willow, thank you for constant entertainment and always giving me a listening ear.
Piper, thank you for having that little smile that always brightens my day.
Trig, thank you for showing us what’s important in life.
Love you guys.
Dr. Cusack, Kelly, Kim, and Jenny—thank you for giving me opportunities when I was trying to make it on my own. I’ll always be your “Susie,” Doc!
Aunt Heather, thank you for taking me in, and for the best home cooking.
Aunt Molly, thank you for always supporting me, and introducing me to mascara.
To my Dancing with the Stars pals, Deena, Mark, and Mark’s family, Claire, Florence, Kyle and his family . . . you made the experience so rewarding, and your friendship is much better than the disco ball.
To Karen, for being so loving and patient with my boy, and for watching the baseball movie a million times!
Grandma Sally, Nana, Marissa, Kandice, Lauden, McKinley, Britta, Jenna, Elle, Alex, Miranda, Janice, Crystal, Marina, Breann, Kelsie, Alexa, Juanita, Barb, Kate, Peg, Christie, Brandi, Kelly, Faye, thank you for making the good times more fun, and the bad times more bearable.
Grandpa Chuck, Papa Jim, Papa Bob, Payton, Heath, Karch, Landon, Kier, Teko, Nerd, Kurt, Jack, Jacob, The Jones, Jake, Ry, you boys are the best. Thank you for always having my back.
TVF, JJT, and Chelsea, you guys will always be the best team.
To Paige Adams Geller, the Wasilla girl who founded Paige Premium Denim and who keeps my entire family looking good in PPD!
To all the folks at HarperCollins, my editor, Amy Bendell, publicist Shelby Meizlik, and everyone who helped along the way.
To my wonderful writer, Nancy, who guided me through this process and captured my story with so much heart.
And lastly—to Hunter Wolfe, thank you for the flowers and cute little notes on my car. I will forever miss your cute, shy demeanor. Your life and death make me realize the importance of being honest about my own struggles, and of talking about the true hope that things, ultimately, can be better.
About the Authors
BRISTOL PALIN appeared on ABC-TV’s Dancing with the Stars, where she reached the finals and ultimately placed third. She frequently speaks in front of groups across the country, where she focuses on inspirational and pro-life topics.
NANCY FRENCH is the author of Home and Away: A Story of Family in a Time of War and Red State of Mind: How a Catfish Queen Reject Became a Liberty Belle. She is also the editor of SixSeeds.tv, a pop-culture-focused magazi
ne for parents, and lives in Tennessee with her husband and three children. Follow her on NancyFrench.com.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.
Credits
Front cover photograph © 2011 by Danielle Levitt/AUGUST
Copyright
All insert photographs courtesy of the author except where noted.
NOT AFRAID OF LIFE. Copyright © 2011 by Bristol Palin. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
EPub Edition July 2011 ISBN: 9780062089403
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